Tuesday, May 29, 2012

You make beautiful things: Gender Prediction

Wow, 17 weeks!  Almost 1/2 way in my pregnancy :)  Tomorrow at 4pm we get to have our hour long ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby and make sure everything is okay!  That's the biggest thing here... A HEALTHY BABY!  In all honesty, we care very little if we have a boy or a girl, but what we want most is a growing baby with a chance at life, we're ready for the challenge of becoming parents and cannot wait to see our little one again tomorrow!

My husband made a sweet comment the other day, "Babe, it's like we're meeting our child for the first time!" Yes, we've seen Baby B on 2 ultrasounds, one the size of a popcorn kernel, the 2nd we could decipher head, arms, mouth, etc.  Tomorrow, we will find out if we're having a boy - Troy James or a girl - Brooke Grayson!  Please pray that all goes well at our appointment and the little one is cooperative :)

Well, being the silly gal I am ... I decided to try a couple of the "Old Wives Tales" to guess our little one's gender :

1. The Chinese Gender Calculator:
2. Gender Quiz

3. Craving sweet (girl) or savory (boy)? Both... but salty more so. BOY
4. If the baby’s father puts on weight during pregnancy (it's a boy) - Nope, he's lost about 10 lbs!  GIRL
5. The Ring Test. Suspend a pure gold ring over the pregnant belly. If it swings left to right, it’s a boy. If it rotates, it’s a girl.  It rotates ... GIRL
6. The Key Test. If the pregnant woman picks up a key from the thin end, then it’s a girl.  BOY
7. You didn't experience morning sickness in early pregnancy...barely any! BOY
8. Your baby's heart rate is less than 140 beats per minute - Higher... GIRL
9.  You are having headaches it's a boy. Um, yes... many headaches :(  BOY
10. You are moodier than usual during pregnancy you are having a girl - haha I have less of a filter and say what I think sooooo... GIRL

Well, that was fun! haha Looks like the very unofficial, unscientific tally is : 6 for BOY and 4 for GIRL

If my vote counts... I say BOY. I have yet to feel like it was a little lady growing inside of me, but I could be completely wrong! Either way the kid will be ridiculously adorable and so very loved :) 

Monday, May 21, 2012

You make beautiful things: 15 almost 16 week update

Here's me at 15 weeks and 5 days...
Nasty, stinky and sweaty after 1 hour of Zumba! Yes, the ladies wonder if I'm going to keep doing Zumba 2 times a week until November... Lord willing, I will and this child will come out dancing with all the hip shaking I do!
All dressed up for a friend's bridal shower.
A little baby belly.

Tuesday I have my AFP blood test, it tests for "'neural tube defect' (or NTD). Neural tube defects occur when there are problems with the development of the baby's brain, skull and spinal cord very early in the pregnancy. The defect causes part of the baby's spinal cord to be exposed (called 'spina bifida'), or the baby's brain fails to grow (called 'anencephaly'). People born with spina bifida can have various levels of brain damage and often a weakness or paralysis of their legs. However, they often lead very full and active lives. Babies born with anencephaly cannot survive outside the womb and die soon after birth" (source)

This is the only optional test we are taking because it is covered by insurance.  Regardless of the outcome of the test, we will not abort the child, as some may choose to do.  Next Wednesday... the 30th, we find out if Baby Barrett is a boy or a girl!!! I will be doing some of the old wives tales and post about them before Wednesday :)

Monday, May 14, 2012

You make beautiful things: Acceptance

So, I always use to get on people about not posting belly picture updates and now... look at me... I haven't posted one yet and we're 15 weeks!  My apologies.  But, the bigger issue here is my mind and my heart accepting that I am pregnant.

I am so thankful for this little blessing growing inside me, but I'm paranoid.  Everything I feel, everything I do... I worry that something may be wrong with this pregnancy and I can't do anything about it. I am constantly "googling" things in an effort to not make a mistake.

Here's a few things that cycle through my mind on any any given day:
1. If I eat this, will it harm the baby?
2. Why did I let myself get so out of shape before I got pregnant?
3. I never thought I'd be this weight when I got pregnant and now I can't change it.
4. I'm so afraid to get in a good workout for fear of harming the baby (just zumba and walking).
5. What did I do last time to cause the miscarriage? Could it happen now?
6. Yes, every time I go to the bathroom, I have a fear I will be bleeding.
7. I compare myself to others that are expecting and how they look/act.
8. I had a hard time saying "thank you" when people wished me a happy Mother's Day for fear I wasn't really a mother yet.
9. I really want some way to know if the baby is okay, another ultrasound/peak into my womb.
10. I watch TV shows and read blogs and think that may baby might have some rare disability that I caused somehow without knowing.
11. I had hoped to be younger having my first child.
12. Will we have a hard time conceiving again? (we would love to have 3-4 kids)

And on and on and on...

I pray daily that the Lord is protecting me and the baby inside me and that he would spare us from any harm.  I also pray that I would release this fear and anxiety and be able to feel beautiful and enjoy the next 5 months.  I so badly want to be able to look into the future to see our little one safe and healthy in my arms in November... but I can't.  I deeply desire to be the joyful, care free "Kim" and not over analyze everything that goes through my mind.

Sorry, I had to write this out.  Maybe this is a way of releasing it to the Lord and abandoning outcomes, maybe it is just another way to help me clear my mind.  God is good and babies are a miracle.  I guess I still am having a hard time believing I am with child after our first complication.  There are many women that go years without success in pregnancy and I pray sincerely that they will be filled with hope.  

Thanks again for your prayers and encouragement! We are overwhelmed at the love and excitement from family and friends about our announcement.  Please continue to think of us and that I would be able to relax and stop worrying... thanks ya'll.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

You make beautiful things: 1+1=3

Well hello friends and family!

If you're here you obviously know... We're expecting our first bundle of joy!  Throughout the past year it has been a true blessing to grow closer to the Lord and to each other during our time loss with our first miscarriage but now, we rejoice because we have been blessed with a precious life growing inside of me!

Charles and I are beyond excited about our new addition, that should be making his/her grand appearance in November, and we covet your prayers and support during these next 5-6 months and beyond!

And no, this is not primarily a pregnancy blog but I will be using it as a way to share updates on Baby Barrett's growth and any questions/situations that arise.

Okay, here's a little of our back story...
September 23, 2011 - Positive pregnancy test
November 8th, 2011 - Dr.'s appointment confirming miscarriage (blighted ovum)
November 11th, 2011 - Passed gestational sac, miscarriage complete

Insert a few months of prayer, sadness, wrestling with God feeling like our lives were flashing before our eyes.  Honestly, it felt like EVERYONE was pregnant and we were left out.  Questions arose in my mind, "maybe I was wrong all along, maybe the Lord never wanted me to be a mother, maybe I should just stop thinking I could even actually get pregnant, and if I do, by some miracle, then I'll change my attitude and be happy."  Wow, Satan is a lil stinker and he tried his best to sneak in and take over, to rob me of my joy and tear me down. We didn't look into any fertility specialists or even consult our doctor about medicine, we just prayed and "enjoyed being husband and wife" and let God take control!

December 1st, 2011 - Turned 25
December 20th, 2011 - Celebrated our 3rd anniversary

February 28th, 2012 - Positive Pregnancy test
March 14th, 2012 - First OB Appt. for our first ultrasound
April  12th, 2012 - 2nd OB Appt.

It's scary seeing the "real" me,  just woke up w/no make up... glad Charles still loves me!
Alright, lets break down those last 3 dates:

February 28th, 2012
I took the test, as I had been doing the last few months not expecting a positive outcome, I had the cheap Dollar Tree tests and I woke up and this time saw it was positive.  I know this sounds terrible, but I don't even think I cried.  Unless you have experienced the extreme joy, of thinking you were pregnant, and then experienced the gut wrenching loss of losing a pregnancy, you might not understand my emotions here.  This morning is a blur.  I think I woke up Charles, but I don't remember.  I was so guarded, what little joy I had seemed to be overcome by the overwhelming thoughts of, "but we may not be pregnant..."  So I called the doctor, gave them my information and said this was super early, about 4 weeks.

They had me come in a day or two after that to get blood work to see if my HCG levels were multiplying, and they were. This wasn't done last time, so I had nothing to compare to, other than crap I found online. So, they then picked a date, March 14th for us to come in for our first ultrasound to see if the pregnancy was viable.

March 14th, 2012
We had already told a few people, parents, life group, etc. about the possible pregnancy so we'd have some prayer warriors to combat our gloomy outlook.  We went to the same Dr. as last time, and sat and waited and waited and waited to get taken in.  They did minimal tests, height, weight, blood pressure, urine sample and sent me to the "GYN" side of the practice.  We waited and waited, and finally they took us back to the ultrasound room.  The Ultrasound Tech politely asked, "So, what are you guys in here for today?" hahaha I looked at Charles and was like... REALLY!? This was not a great start to the appointment.   She then said, "No, really, your documents don't tell me what you're in here for." Greaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttt, so we told her, we had a miscarriage 4 months ago and we just had a positive pregnancy test a few weeks ago and the Dr. wanted us to come in for an early ultrasound to see if this was a viable pregnancy...

Deep breath, my word, I felt like chopped liver! The tech was super nice and began the procedure.

The first image on the screen was an empty uterus, I looked at Charles and exclaimed "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?"  I was so upset and I couldn't believe my body, once again "faked pregnant". 

The tech then said "wait wait wait, I'm not there yet", to then reveal a tiny little lima bean shaped addition the screen.  Once again, I didn't cry.  My emotions were so numb that I didn't know what to do.  She did the entire work up, showed us many different things, took some measurements and confirmed a 6 week, 1 day embryo with a heartbeat of 117 that we could see, and hear, loud and clear... PRAISE GOD!

6 weeks and 1 day... see the tiny seed in the top left

Here's the detailed picture to help ya out :)
She gave us a ton of pictures and we left the room to talk to the Dr.  I don't think he called me Eeyore, but I could tell he saw the little gray cloud following close above my head.  He then scheduled us 4 weeks out for another ultrasound, blood work, insurance and said "Congratulations Momma and Daddy."

The weeks following were filled with I feel like I'm sleeping on a deep sea fishing boat restless nights, finding new semi-comfortable ways to sleep, trying to find foods that were actually appetizing to cook/eat.  Yes, I feel different from last time, I haven't uttered the words "I can't wait until I actually feel pregnant," this time around but I still wanted that confirmation.

April 12th, 2012

Amazing appointment! We got right in, put some jelly on my belly and up popped our little one :)
10 weeks and 2 day appointment, measuring 10 weeks 6 days!

Detailed picture again... my mom says she can't tell what's what :)

A little over 1.5 inches, arms and legs moving like crazy, and a heart rate of 175.  We are so thankful and so blessed!

May 1st, 2012
We had another appointment Tuesday and we'll find out the sex late May :) Baby Barrett should be about 3" long now.  We heard a strong heartbeat, very quickly (she didn't tell us the actual bpm, but guessed it was about 150).

We have been waiting so long to announce the good news on the blog/facebook! 

Please continue to have Charles and I in your prayers as well as our little one!  We are overjoyed to meet our new addition in November!

Sorry, I've been really bad at taking "belly" pictures.  I think I have one or two, but you can't really see anything, just bigger boobs and a thicker around the mid section! haha more pictures to come soon and we find out if we're having ...

on May 30th!

For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well. 
Psalm 139:13-14