Saturday, November 12, 2011

Update: Mercies in disguise...

** Warning: I am going to get a tiny bit graphic here, because, it may help someone else when they are going through this one day, so just be aware of that. I will try to warn you before it comes **

Hey ya'll.

Wow, what a week! In the Barrett household... our days are all screwed up, the time change makes us go to bed by 9 pm it seems and we're kind of living in a fog.  While it has been great to be home all week, the circumstances have been less than ideal. No one wants to deal with something like this, ever. Seriously I think I could poll 1000 people and not a one would say, "sure, I'll take miscarriage, that sounds like fun!" and if they did say that I would say they need help :) Well, working from home was great ! I had something to do to keep my mind off of my body and it allowed me to get other things done and have dinner made before 7pm every day.  I also had sweet time to go for walks with my amazing husband in the afternoons when he got home. I'm not going to lie, it is tough working 45 mins from home but I am so blessed to have a job.  That is one of the biggest blessing of the week, the support from my co-workers and job.  I plan on going back to work monday because I think the worst has passed.

Okay let me give you this update. *Warning: a little graphic* From all of the highly skilled research I did, I mean googling "what happens during a miscarriage, what am I suppose to look for during a miscarriage, steps of a miscarriage" gives you a lot of great information! haha of it was helpful, others scared the living daylights out of me.  Most women I spoke to or read about compared it to 80% of labor pains, blood blood blood, no energy and cramps that will make you double over in pain. Ha ... are you kidding me!?

Our specific prayer request was "Lord please let this miscarriage all of what's left inside pass through me with minor pain and infection.  Be in control and allow us to pass this naturally without medical intervention by 11/21/11, if not we will schedule the procedure and have everything taken care of so we can enjoy time with family for Thanksgiving." 

Speaking of procedures, I talked to many, sadly too many women that I know and love who told me about their stories with miscarriage and their friends stories. It was everything from, "I was older and wanted kids so I got the D&C and moved on,  back when it happend to me the only option was a D&C, or My friend had a D&E and they messed up and didn't get everything and had to do it again, or my favorite, my sister in law had a D&C and they tore the back of her uterus." OKAY, if you're human and you knew you were contemplating on getting this surgery, would any of these situations comfort you? Once again, if you say yes, you need help, please, let me pray for you...

Once again you can google both of these to get greater detail :
D&C - Dilation and curettage: knock you out, dilate your cervics, take a surgical spoon and scrape it all clean
D&E - Dilation and excavation: knock you out, dilate your cervics and suction everything out

**Warning: I want to be able to give a little bit greater detail here so others can possibly gain wisdom from my experience, sorry if I gross you out **

Here's a timeline of the last few days:
Day 1 (sunday): I experienced a light brownish pink discharge when I wiped after I went to the bathroom, called the Dr. and they said, "it should all be okay, most women have a little spotting during pregnancy, come on in monday and we'll check you out"

Day 2 (monday): You remember "terrible, horrible no good very bad day" ? right, that was the day of our diagnoses for a blighted ovum.

Day 3 (tuesday): Light bleeding all day. I was awoken at 3:10 am with very light cramping and proceeded to stay in the bathroom until 4:30 until the feeling and bleeding passed. haha I even made a little pallet on the bathroom floor with two towels and my pillow inbetween cramping to get a little rest :)

Day 4 (wednesday): Moderate bleeding and passing a little tissue.
               SIDE NOTE - I had 3 sweet, sweet visitors come see me.  My sister and her little baby girl surprised me and came up from 2 hrs away to see me and spend some time togther. And, an amazing friend from church, came and brought me a "goodie" bag with movies, a magazine, Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, and a few other things to help the next few days :)
                                Okay, back to wednesday... We were watching 27 Dresses and I was literally curled in the fetal position on the couch barely able to carry on a converstation.  My whole mid section of my body, pelvic area to lower back felt like the muscles were being rung out to dry every 4 minutes.  Seriously, 4 minute waves of okay, this isn't terrible but I really can't even straighten out my body right now, they were long and momentarily crippling and probably the worst pain I had this whole time.  The pain was such that I passed up fresh chocolate chip cookies and sat with an ice pack on my forehead and back of my neck to take the edge off. Oh yes, I finally took a pain killer, a little fairy brought me some special pills that I am very grateful for, though I only took 2 this whole time, they were perfect. That night, I had the special pill in me, and I slept in the other bedroom so Charles could sleep. I slept 6 hours without waking up, pain, or much bleeding.

Day 4 (thursday): When I woke up in the morning I felt great! No bleeing, no cramping... oh no, had the pain pill worked too well and stopped the process !?! At that point, I discontinued all pain killers so I could feel what my body was doing. From all the research I read it told me there was someting that I should be passing out of my body, and I knew it hadn't passed yet.  Frustrated and defeated, I took the day by the horns. I went to a friends house and got some of her advice to help the process, I took some clothes to be dry cleaned (shoot, I need to pick that up), I went to Wal-Mart, I jogged a mile (yeah it had been about 2 months since I had jogged, and then walked 2 more miles, I had 2 cups of raspberry leaf tea (which is suppose to induce cramping) I was a woman on a mission.  I WANTED EXCRUCIATING PAIN, I WANTED CLOSURE AND HEALING, I did everything I could think of to help this gestational sac out, but nothing was working :( 

Charles was working on school work, so I laid on the floor and watched 2 TV shows (Up all night and Glee) on the internet, I had very minor cramping and had finished my shows and stood up, I mean come on it was almost time for Grey's Anatomy.  As I stood up, I realized I had to go to the bathroom. I went #1 as I normally would, without pain and minimal bleeding ** Oh, oops, WARNING** and out popped, literally popped out an oddly shapped large ball of tissue (picture a small squash or a small 1/2 inflated balloon shape 3 to 4 in long and about 2 1/2 in in diameter).  Really, my body felt like a balloon was being blow up, in a certain female area and out it popped. I then yelled for Charles and he came and looked too.  All the research I had done said that was it, SUCCESS, the gestational sac !!! Okay, really, I want to go into greater detail here but, I won't. IF THIS HAPPENS TO YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME AND I'LL TALK TO YOU IN GREATER DETAIL.  What this meant to us was, we're over the hump, we're basically painlessly and uneventfully passing what was failing to grow our child.  It was the strangest feeling I had ever felt and I was relieved I didn't have a horror story like some other women had shared.  I slept in bed with my husband that night and woke up in the morning.

Day 5 (friday): Charles had off for Veteran's day, I had work still and continued to work from home. I had light to moderate bleeding and that was all. No more tissue, and only slight slight cramping.

Day 6 (saturday): Moderate bleeding and no cramping.

Okay... that's where we are. We are so blessed to have all of your support and prayers. WE TRULY BELIEVE THAT YOUR PRAYERS HELPED US WITH THIS NEARLY PAINLESS PHYSICAL PROCESS.  Y'all, i'm not going to lie, I was afraid, I had no idea what I was going to experience pain wise. My husband and mom were the best, haha they were like " are you kidding me, you're strong and tough, you'll be fine, you're not like other women" haha okay, I love having my own cheerleaders to pep me up :)  Everytime I sat infront of my computer reading your emails and FB post I felt loved. I felt hugs coming from Raleigh, Cary, Wilmington, even right down the road but I was home, alone most of the times, in sweats, messy hair and all.  I felt loved. 

We have a follow up appointment at the OB's office next thursday.  Here's our next specific request: "We pray that the miscarriage was complete, that everything was expelled from my body and we are now healing.  We pray that no medical action is needed and that the pregnancy hormones are little, to non existant, we pray for no infections." 

Okay, right now, I just feel like i'm on my period and i'm waiting for it to end.  I hope we're in the clear!  After the update from the Dr. and my next regular cycle... we're free to start trying again.  Okay, here comes the next prayer request...

Pray for emotional healing.  Pray for our bodies to be functioning at optimum baby making ability and pray for our hearts and our faith in the Lord to be strong.  Pray that we do not start this process again until we really feel like we're ready to deal with miscarriage again.  Yes, we want a child so badly and we both feel like that's one of the greatest reasons why God called us together, to be parents.

Two songs to leave you with that we've loved this week:

We love ya'll so much! Praise God for each and everyone of you and your prayers and thoughts during this difficult time in our lives.  Grin and Barrett... perfect.


  1. Love you Kim. I know I haven't been in touch with you this week but you have certainly been on my heart and in my prayers every day. Thanks for the update...I know that it is therapeutic for you...and helpful for those who will go through it. You are a strong lady!! LOVE YA!

  2. thanks Melissa! You're very sweet :) We'll see ya'll at life group tonight. <3 you

  3. I have been praying for you since you told me what was going on...thank you for being so real! Love you and still praying for you!

  4. covering you guys in prayer...thanks for being so honest in sharing your struggles and how God is meeting you right there...such an encouragement. our worship band just did 'blessings' at church on sunday preceding our pastor's message on unanswered prayers...interesting timing : ) i know God is going to redeem this part of your story and use it in big ways in your life and in the lives of others. xoxo