Growin' Like a Weed : Drew - 7 Months

Height: 27.5" 

Weight: 19lbs 6oz

Likes: Mommy, Mommy's milk, sleeping with Mommy, pulling Mommy's hair, not being happy unless he's touching Mommy, having his ribs/belly "nommed" on, pinching faces/noses/any extra skin you may have on you.

fake sneezing sounds, dog barking and duck quacking sounds, haha this guy is a trip!

Dislikes:  If I'm out of sight or not holding him. Shew. He's REALLY wearing me out! Chill my love, it's okay! He also doesn't like Daddy to snuggle and put him to bed. Sitting down. Yep, if you want to hold him for any length of time (church nursery workers, cough cough) you've got to stand up and be moving for this fella to be happy!

Sleeping: He's taking 2 naps a day on our beloved 2-3-4 schedule (wake, nap 2 hours after he wakes, awake 3 hours, next nap, then awake 4 hours until bedtime). Some days it's a short morning nap, then an AMAZING 2-2.5 hour afternoon nap. I truly put him down awake. Like he doesn't even want to snuggle (sometimes nurse) but mainly just paci, white noise, lay in bed, roll on tummy, get a blanket and doze off! Praise the Lord for that! He's still waking most nights around 11-1 and won't sleep unless he's touching me. haha Ahhh I'm still sleeping on a twin bed in my 4th child's room instead of in my own room/bed with my hubby! haha this too shall pass. It is absolutely precious waking up beside my sweet little man in the mornings <3 nbsp="" p="">

Eating: Nursing. On demand. All day long AND eating some foods! Avocado, sweet potato, green beans, peas, applesauce, butternut squash, hmm I think that's all I've shared with him. Bah and a fry or two from Burger King. He's not good at his pincher grip yet, so I'm spoon or finger feeding him everything. Lunch and dinner and barely anything. I think I need to research some more foods to feed my lil guy!

Playing: Drew's on the move! Not crawling, but getting to where he needs to go by scooting/rolling/moving. We've found him under couches, head bonked on dressers, face against walls, etc.  He's done with his little lay down toys and on to bigger and better things! He grabs toys, but doesn't put anything in his mouth (which is crazy strange because he has 2 teeth now!!! 11/9 and 11/16 they popped up) He stands holding onto things but still bounces a lot so he's not stable on his feet/hasn't started cruzing or standing independently. He currently LOVES his sister's little people play castle and as a "thing" for Tianna, hahaha ohhhh Drewbers!

Big Sisters: ARE LOUD, MESSY, TERRIBLE AT LISTENING, FRUSTRATING TO EACH OTHER, AND TALK A WHOLE LOT! Gracious, it's been a month! Charlotte talks loudly and non stop. She's not really into Drew right now... Taylor LOVES this guy to pieces and really is the best at being chill and snuggling him (they have a blond-e bond) haha BUT she's been INCREDIBLY flighty/not listening to anything we say lately and it's really wearing on me. AND Brooke. Bless this child. She's stepped up A LOT and will get Drew out of his crib/hold/hang out with him when I need her too, but man if she's not hard headed and a pain in the rear some days. GUYS. If I've said it once, I'll say it 1,000 times... HAVING 4 KIDS ALL 2 YEARS APART IS HARD! HOMESCHOOLING ALL 4 WITHOUT AN OUTLET LIKE PRESCHOOL IS CHALLENGING. PRAISE THE GOOD LORD FOR HOLDING ME UP EVERY SINGLE DAY. I need to take a deep breath, and show them a lot more grace, but man is this is tricky time in life to be able to care for them/me/the house/love others/eat/bathe/breath. <3 nbsp="" p="">

Sounds Like Life To Me: Miscarriage #2

Yep.  January 24th I had a positive pregnancy test.  Ever since Brooke was born we hadn't "prevented" getting pregnant, but nothing was happening. Yes, I nursed her until she was 13 months old but everything seemed to be working correctly.  haha anyways, long story short, I had a positive pregnancy test, found out according to my calculations I was 5-6 weeks along and we were not really excited.

With my first pregnancy, blighted ovum/miscarriage it has really jaded me and taken most of the joy out of seeing a positive pregnancy test.  I ALWAYS consider it false.  Well, the whole time I was pregnant with Brooke, I checked to see if I was bleeding each time I went to the bathroom.  It wasn't until she was in my arms that I believed I actually was with child.

So a few days went on and Monday, February 3rd rolled around and I started spotting.  I went to the Dr. they did a pregnancy test, congratulated me because it was positive and sent me home with a big packet of information.  Little did I know I would be back in the doctors office EVERYDAY that week with one thing or another.  I started BLEEDING Tuesday, and it continued and is still with me.  I was an exhausted human pin cushion who was being poked and prodded and I still didn't feel sad like last time.  I'm not sure what it was.  Oh yes, and I  had a strep like virus that required antibiotics and a reoccurring fever over 101.  It was a tough week.

I guess the word I keep thinking is "frustrated." I was frustrated with God because everyone else is having more kids, and I want more kids, though I can barely handle the one I have some days, frustrated that my body tricked me AGAIN that it was pregnant and it really wasn't.  Frustrated at the time I spent going back and forth to the doctor.  Frustrated that I slept poorly and was always cold.  Frustrated that I had to tote my child with me to doctors visits.  Frustrated that I wasn't going to be able to "spend time" with my husband until the pregnancy left my body.  Frustrated that I was now going to have my paperwork say "3 pregnancies and 1 birth".  Frustrated that I was sick and having a miscarriage and that my daughter wouldn't let me rest and life wouldn't stand still and laundry wouldn't clean itself and dinner wasn't always good or even ready on time.  It was just a terrible, horrible, no good very bad week!

All that to say,  I was frustrated but it was all silly, worthless things to be frustrated at and I got over it all very quickly.  I wish I could say it was because the Holy Spirit got a hold of me and reminded me that God is in control and that everything was going to be okay.  Yes, that was part of it.  The other part was looking down, holding, laughing at, and looking in the mirror at my mini-me, Brooke.  Yep, I remember, I had a miscarriage once, then I had a flawless pregnancy and labor and now a child.  Life goes on.  Also, the statistics of the amount of women who have miscarriages is still shocking to me.  So I deem it as "normal" now for me.  So I can get over it and get on with life easier.

One song that I heard that really spoke to me after an appointment was this, Worn, by Tenth Avenue North.
Tenth Avenue North - Worn (Official Music Video) from tenth-avenue-north on GodTube.

Charles asked me one time, "Kim, when do you feel God.  I responded quickly because I knew the answer so tenderly... "when I hold Brooke."  We normally lay Brooke down at night and let her fuss until she falls asleep.  But some days, some nights, I just hold her.  She's all worked up but suddenly melts into my arms and chest and is silent, and still.  She is peaceful in my arms and she knows she can rest in my protection.  One night last week I did just that.  Selfishly, I needed to feel God.  I needed His warmth around me, I needed his peace and simplicity to cover all of my frustration and sadness and heal me.  So I entered Brooke's room as she was fussing herself to sleep, picked her up and sunk deep into God's love.  The image I have is God holding me, just has I held my child.  He is my peace, my comfort and my place I go to when life's just too much.  He reminds me to be still.

So that's the update on our life right now.  We pray with open arms and hearts.  I write posts like this for me.  I need them.  They help me with closure and healing.  We are surrendering our wills and laying down our desires and seeking God's will to be done in our lives.

Sounds like Life to me: Wrong Profession?

Okay, I've debated and debated about writing this, but I finally realized, like most things, that once I get it off my chest and surrender it to the Lord, it helps me move on.

Today, no this week, I feel like my "boss" is telling me I'm in the wrong profession.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE working the morning and being at home with Brooke for the rest of the day, but apparently I suck at it.  At daycare, they consistently get her to take at least an hour nap in the morning... I get maybe 40 minutes from her and then that ruins any chance of a good afternoon nap.  Yes, I know she has been sick, but when I'm sick, I want to sleep.  Either Brooke loves me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much she just can't bear to close her eyes, or I'm terrible at reading her sleepy cues and screwing her of a good nap in the morning and afternoon.

Oh yes, and did I mention I've somehow messed up the whole night time sleep thing too? haha yeah regardless of the time I put Brooke down at night, she wakes up at 5:30 on.the.dot.  Okay, almost on the dot.  So lets recap.  Around 10 hours of sleep at night and maybe 2 hours naps during the day = 12 hours total.  MOST other people have their children sleeping 12 hours at night and 3-4 hours during the day = 15.5 hours.  And it's not that she's playing in her crib, so she's  fussing and crying and won't rest.  Then I try to get her to sleep in my arms, and she just wants to play with my face and make me laugh. UGH.  SO either Brooke just doesn't need a lot of sleep or I am clueless on how to get my child the proper amount of sleep.

My house is a mess, I haven't plucked my eyebrows in who knows when, and I honestly feel like anyone else could fix this sleep issue but for some reason, not me.  Yes.  I am whining and complaining because I feel like a bad mom.  I am hardly contributing financially and our precious child's schedule is so inconsistent, I feel like I messed up some how.  Yes, she can walk, smiles and plays all day, can say 10-15 words, but when it comes to sleeping, I missed the memo and am doing something wrong.  I've given up on reading articles/blogs and books on sleep.  Been there, done that... none of it works for me.

And yes, she is napping now.  It only took me an hour and 15 minutes, a diaper change, busting out the bottles that were stored away, thawing expressed milk, holding her til she was almost asleep and then sitting with my hand on her back until she was all of the way asleep.  And I'm guessing it will only be a 30 minute nap.  Mommy fail.

With all that said, Lord, help me to be a better child.  Help me to listen to you and seek your peace, patience and wisdom.  Allow me to see where I need to adjust things in my life to be a better Mom and Wife and create more harmony in my home.  God, please take away the doubt that is in my mind right now and the terrible feeling I have that I am worthless at raising our child.  Reveal to me, if it is your will what Brooke needs or what I need to do to make nap time less of a battle and get the proper amount of sleep for this child.  God I love you, especially because you hear my silly prayer and smile.  You are full of patience and remind me daily that I am not in control.  Amen.

Sounds like life to me: Newborn

Everyone paints a picture of life is sheer bliss with a newborn, or atleast that's what we were told.  The only thing people said was, "you won't be getting much sleep" and "your life will never be the same"! haha okay, yes both of these are pretty much true, but there is SO MUCH that no one told us or prepared us for... so here it is! haha Yes, Charles and I thought it was important to write this to be honest with how our first 3 weeks have been and to look back and laugh at this once she's grown and/or when we have other babies to see how life compares.

Birth/Hospital
As stated in the labor story, it didn't go how we wanted it to go, but overall, it went well.  It was a brief part of our journey (about 3 days) with the labor and post partum hospital stay.  The worst part was after Brooke was born.  It was overwhelming and exhausting having someone knock on the door what seemed like every 5 minutes day and night.  Yes, this test, that test, did you pee, did she poop, check her vitals, change sheets and towels, food, family, lactation consultants... wow, I was stressed and just ready to get home!  Thankfully, Brooke did well and passed all the tests, though we HATED the hearing test and heal prick, we had a good time at the hospital and have no reservations about having another child.

Breastfeeding
This may be TMI but it's my blog and I'm going to write what I want to write :) haha I started "leaking" at about 26 weeks. As soon as Brooke was born, she was handed to me and I was encouraged to try to nurse her.  She did great!  I felt like a natural, even though everyone had told me it's the most "unnaturally natural" thing.  She ate great, pooped and peed like she was suppose to and we didn't have any trouble.  Two different lactation consultants came in and both didn't have any advice to offer because whatever I was doing was perfect.  I was so happy! I actually prayed numerous times during my pregnancy that nursing would go well.  Was I sore the first few days, yes.  Did it go away... yes.

My milk came in the day we came home from the hospital, she got confused a little bit because of the consistency and then got a hold of it and hasn't had any issues since!  I didn't use any creams and I didn't crack and bleed and I was never uncomfortably engorged.  She eats now every 2-3 hours and goes between 6 and 4 hours apart at night.

I apparently had too much milk so the recommended 15 minutes on each side didn't give her enough foremilk and hindmilk and she had seaweedy green poop.  I googled this issue and it suggested just feed from one side per feeding.  Do I look lopsided, haha sometimes!  But that's okay, she's getting what she needs and her poop is back to the "normal" color.  She is hilarious and poops during each feeding.  She stops, grunts, makes a hilarious stank face and does her business.  It's so funny!

I started pumping for work purposes and if me and Charles want to go out/have family watch her, or have Charles feed her.  That's also going very well, though it's a lot more comfortable how she feeds as opposed to how the Medela Pump in style pumps, I guess she's more gentle or I'm use to her.

Crying
Ha. hahahaha. What on earth.  Our child likes to cry, for no reason, randomly and other times shes a dream!  The whole purple cry/colic is ridiculous and frustrating.  Seriously, some nights (anytime after 5) she will flip a switch and just scream.  She's full, clean, warm, loved, and is still screaming her head off like she's in excruciating pain.  It's frustrating.  You try everything from walking, to bouncing, to laying her down, to gripe water, swing, swaddling, shhhhing, pacifier, and on and on and on.  You get ticked at each other because you each have different ways of soothing her (and obviously you think your way is right) while the other just wants to experiment and try things out.  The shrill scream grates on your nerves.  You pray countless times to take this demon out your sweet child's body and return her to a peaceful bundle of joy.  You want her to stop, breath and rest.  You feel absolutely helpless, like you're a bad parent, and then she falls asleep.  You have no idea what worked to calm her down, but you're thankful.  You hug your spouse and apologize for getting "snippy" and reinforce your love for one another and your love for your child.

This purple cry phase is suppose to last anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months.  She's great somedays, and terrible others.  She loves to be held, but is okay sometimes by herself.  I can't always get as much done as I want, but I stop and realize how selfish I am and sit on the couch and cuddle my sweet daughter and thank the Lord for her precious life.

Sleep
Everyone says "sleep when the baby sleeps", yes, this is a good thought but if your baby likes to be held as much as Brooke, you can't do this. Or I can't. I can't hold her and sleep, I'm too afraid I'll get too relaxed and drop her.  Also, I didn't nap since my first trimester and am to much of a busy body to stop and nap during the day, so I don't.

Bedtime has been great!  She started out not sleeping well in her crib, so we used a little hinged bouncy seat.  She sleeps great in her crib now with a white noise machine.  She likes to be swaddled and sometimes uses a pacifier to calm her down.  She is great at night.  I normally float between our bedroom and the guest bedroom any given night.  It all depends on how long it takes her to fall back asleep and if Charles is snoring (because I can't put in ear plugs, or I won't hear the monitor, and I can't sleep if he's snoring).  haha she didn't like the bassinet in the pack in play by the bed, and Charles couldn't sleep with her in the room because she was too noisy.  Seriously, she grunts, squeals, squeaks and crys and then falls back asleep, it's hilarious.  I get anywhere from 4-6.5 hours of sleep a night, I'm not exhausted, but I'm not one of those people that "require" 8 hours of sleep.

Emotions
I am so blessed to have not had any sever post postpartum sadness or depression.  Yes, there are days when she's screaming and I feel helpless that I get sad that we don't have a peaceful independent baby.  Then there are other days, like today, that she is great and I get the whole house cleaned, go on a walk with her, do laundry and write a blog post.  I also prayed for this.  The whole post partum depression scared me.  I wanted to love myself, my child and my husband, and it broke my heart to hear stories of ladies who felt like a zombie or a shell of themselves.  I healed emotionally and physically very fast.  I used the 800 ibuprofen for less than a week after Brooke was born.

 The only thing that I have gotten frustrated/sad about is the lack of time I get to see Charles.  Yes, that part has really changed.  He does work full time and is about to finish his MBA (next week, woot woot)!!! But spending day and night with a baby is exhausting.  When he gets home he has to do homework, and I get upset because I think he doesn't want to spend time with me or Brooke, but that's simply not true.  He will be done with Grad School soon and he is AMAZING at helping me with her! He is so fun to watch when they play, dance, sing and spend time together. He takes her and lets me shower or send an email, and he loves it when he gets to wake her up/get her out of bed.  She's our sweetness and we love her so much!

Well, that was a lot of words! haha sorry I was going to add pictures but she's probably going to wake up soon so this is what you get!!! I'm sure that's not everything, but it's all I could think of.  This was just a little glimpse into our life with child.  No, it's not peaceful and perfect, but it's our life and we're thankful for it!  We love you so much Brooke!!!

Sounds like life to me: Stressed

This is how I feel most days... I hope I don't show it like this though!

Okay, so, you all know, we're having our first child in a few short weeks (11 or so) and we are overjoyed!  Well, if that's not enough to get you a little anxious... we've also got all of these things going in the next few weeks... 

1. Birth Class at the hospital Saturday 9am - 4pm
(missing a bridal shower, friends birthday party, and marriage simulcast)
2. Moving LABOR DAY WEEKEND (and setting up/organizing a house and nursery)
3. Charles started his last semester of grad school (ECU MBA)
4. Breastfeeding/baby care class at Dr. office (night 2 hours)
5. Newborn baby care basics class at the hospital (night 2 hours)
6. Baby Shower with my family
7. Baby Shower with the Barrett family
8. Baby Shower with my sweet Owen Bible Study Girls
9. Baby Shower with my sweet New Bern Girls
10. We have a house we flipped on the market
11. We have to get our current house ready and on the rental market (and get a renter)
12. NCSU Football starts AUGUST 31st
13. My new commute to work will be 57 minutes each way (as opposed to 44 minutes each way)
14. I still don't know my companies maternity leave policy
15. I am the leader for k-5 praise and worship for our church and we're splitting the kids into 4 large groups/services as opposed to the current 2 groups the 2nd week of September and we have no new volunteers to take over leading.

Prayers are greatly appreciated! haha I know God is good and I am sooooooooooo very blessed!  Here's a song that I absolutely adore that we do at Zumba ... the words are so good! Yes, I sing, and dance, and shake my baby belly...

Sounds like life to me: Momma Mamie

I received a facebook message this morning from a dear family friend of ours regarding her mom, my godmother's sudden passing due to a massive stroke and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  My prayers and love goes to her husband, Mr. Arlos out in Crowell, TX and the family that will be traveling there for the service.

Momma Mamie is the "fiery redhead on the left" this was taken a little less than 3 years ago in Dallas, TX.

I know I will get a lot of this information wrong but this is my memories of Momma Mamie and Mr. Arlos: 

1. Growing up, they were our next door neighbors in Cary, NC

2. No, they are not blood related, but they loved me and my sister as we were their children.

3. They were from way down south, TX and Louisiana and were all things country, guns, country music, crawdads, and skinny dipping.

4. We were always welcome in their home at anytime of the day/night.

5. One morning when I was in elementary school I wanted french fries for breakfast and my mom would make them for me, so I high tailed it over to their house and Momma Mamie fixed them for me :)

6. I'm almost positive they disciplined me more than my parents, but it was out of love.

7. We use to ride around town with the windows down in her Maroon Bronco blasting "friends in low places" and other country greats.

8. They had daughters and granddaughters we probably thought, and still to today consider cousins and we miss them dearly.

9. Momma Mamie loved Mickey Mouse, every time she went to the eye doctor she'd get a tiny Mickey sticker on her sunglasses lens.

10. My mom LOVED her jambalaya and red beans and rice.

11. Momma Mamie use to tell me that she was going to sneak into the back seat of my future "dates" car and make sure there was no hanky panky going on, I think she even said she'd have a shot gun with her :)

12. When they left Cary, they moved to another town about an hour or so away and she had her dream, and in ground swimming pool! We'd go over and play on hot summer days, but beware, if you show up unannounced she may be swimming naked as a jaybird in her pool (and she would encourage you to do the same!) Though she never got us in there nude :)

13. When they moved to Texas, we still kept in touch by mail and phone calls, it was always a delight to hear her sweet voice.

14. I was able to travel to Dallas, TX for work in September of 2010 and her and Mr. Arlos picked me up in their shiny red truck and took me out to Chili's.  I brought photos of my wedding and my family and we caught up.  We didn't skip a beat... it felt like we picked up exactly where we left off.

15. We spoke many more times on the phone after that, she was informing me on their health/surgeries and all the great grand babies, and how me and Charles needed to come out to their property in TX and shoot her guns.  She was so proud to hear my southern accent and my gun knowledge, especially the fact that I have a concealed carry permit.  She said her favorite gun was the Judge, and I could come and shoot hers anytime :)

16.  We last spoke about 2 months ago on the phone.  Seriously, every time we were saying goodbye, I cried.

This ragin' cajun' held a very special place in my heart and I am so blessed to have been loved by her.  I pray for Mr. Arlos and the family as they heal from their loss. I pray she is dancing in Heaven and leading everyone in Garth Brooks and Dolly Parton songs :)

Sounds like life to me: The Power of the Cross

You see that video above, yes, click on it.  It's only about 5 minutes but the lyrics and the "main character" in the song is truly the reason I'm alive and breathing today, same goes for you, even if you don't want to admit it.

I'm so glad you're here! This says a few things to me:

a) You're a follower of mine and you check my blog regularly... bless you! hahaha
b) You randomly stumbled upon this post because you saw me post it on facebook and you were bored so you decided to click on it.
c) You were curious and decided to check it out even though you don't know me or share my same beliefs.
d) You googled something and my blog randomly came up, yes, that happens often... WELCOME!

(Yes, there are many, many more reasons you could be here but regardless of that reason, you're here and I've got some pretty amazing things to say today... so please stay.)

I'm not afraid to share my faith with anyone, family, friends, a complete stranger... if there's something you're that passionate about, you shouldn't be ashamed to shout it from the roof tops!

This is one of those for me.  

Jesus Christ

Son of God

sinless

perfect

God and man 

born of a virgin

was shamed

beaten

put to death on a cross

placed in a tomb

3 days later rose again

He is alive today!  

Did all that just sound like complete and utter nonsense to you? Are you someone that thinks, "yeah, great story but it's not for me, glad you like it, but please, don't shove it down my throat." Or was it more like "Kim, this is complete and utter craziness, he was just a guy people made up, you're wasting your time learning about him and following him. You're going to live a crappy life even though you've "drank the Christian cool-aid", your life is probably pretty boring and you Christians are too happy, sappy and nice. Thanks, but no thanks."

or

Did you think. "AMEN! Yes I know that man, I know him as my Lord, my Savior, my God! I know and believe what the Bible says and I follow that risen Savior with reckless abandon because I know, through his life, death and resurrection... and my admission of his existence, belief in his power, confession of my sin I will have eternal life in Heaven once I leave this Earthly life!" 

As you know, this weekend we celebrate Easter.  To some, Easter is all about pastel colors, eggs, bunnies, new dresses and spring.  To me, it's about remembering THE MOST AWFUL and THE MOST BEAUTIFUL event in all of time.

So once again, from my heart to yours...

1. God created the world, it didn't just happen by chance or a "big bang".

2. He also created you and me and everyone and everything else that is or has ever been alive.

3. Life WAS perfect, Garden of Eden... heard of it, Satan tempted us, we gave in, the perfection was destroyed and we messed things up.

4. Jesus was born and sent to Earth for one purpose, to save the world from the sin we created.

5. Jesus was alive on earth for only 30 some odd years but he came bringing good news and he made friends and foes.

6. He was publicly beaten and put to death on a cross.

7. He died.

8. Was put in a tomb.

9. Rose from the dead and now reigns as King of Kings and Lord of all in Heaven.

10. He is my Lord and Savior and I do hope you know Him as the same.

Please, if you want to comment, comment, if you want to email me or call me, I'd love to speak with you.  If you still think, after all this, that I am crazy and wasting my life and my life... so be it.  I will be praying for you because, dear friend, I would hate for you to die and spend eternity in Hell. And you know what, if I'm wrong and this whole Jesus thing isn't true... at least I lived my life having hope and faith in something that caused me to think beyond myself and positively impact people around me. 

Sound like Life to me: Baby Dedication

I remember getting the phone call from my sister one hot June day, (haha I was laying out in my plastic swimming pool in our backyard) that they were headed to Baltimore, MD to adopt a precious newborn baby girl.

One of the first pictures my sister texted to me of her new bundle of joy!

Prayers immediately followed that call and haven't stopped since.  My sister is a beautiful woman and she has been so blessed with an amazing husband and now, baby girl! Tinsley Ellison is a joy and a delight and I am so thankful she is a part of our family!  Yesterday, we all joined them in a celebration of God's goodness in dedicating Tinsley to the Lord.  No, this was not a baptism, it was a beautiful way for my sister and her husband to share, before family and friends that they were committing to raising her in the ways of the Lord. 

Beautiful balloons at their church.

Momma and baby girl at Longhorn Steakhouse.

Can we say "ADORABLE"

Kisses from the easter bunny!

What a joyful gift she is! 

The precious Osborne Family!

Grandma and Grandpa Hartofelis

Aunt Kim and Uncle Charles

Tinsley Ellison, WE LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!  Praise God for your beautiful life and the amazing family you were hand picked to be a part of.  We pray daily that you will grow confident and strong in the ways of the Lord and follow Him all of the days of your life.  I can't wait to see you grow and mature, and we look forward to sharing and making many precious memories together.  

love, Aunt Doodle

Sounds like Life to me: Life Lately

Sorry I haven't posted in a week... I've been feeling like this lately...

Image Found here


Please pray with us for the Lord strengthen my spirit and continuously seek the Lord during this challenging time.

   "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. "
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Thanks ya'll ...

Sounds like Life to me: 25 Questions - A reflection on 25 years of life, and life abundant

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Kim, happy birthday to me :) haha okay, well the birthday was yesterday 12/1 and I am the big 2-5 ! Yep, a quarter century of life well lived, and praise the Lord for that!  I can now legally rent and drive a rental car :)

Well, yesterday was... just another day.  I woke up, ate breakfast as usual, got ready as usual, got a hug and a kiss from the hubby and a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Enjoy driving your present to work!"  i.e. my "new" car a got a few weeks ago and also my birthday, anniversary, christmas present, for the next few years! hahaha we're so cheap... it's great!

Thank you all for the sweet facebook posts and texts! I even got a video message from my sweet friend Heather  in Chicago :)

A fairly steady tradition of mine is going to Red Robin for my birthday meal, they have an eclub where they mail you a FREE birthday burger coupon.  I use to work at a RR in college and well, the food is amazing and overall... I really love the place! My favorite is the Banzai Burger :)  Well, RR implemented a new system, a rewards card so I get my free burger and a free appetizer for being a part of the club.  Long story short... I didn't get my free birthday burger, I got a free appetizer, so we're going to go back and recelebrate my birthday another time.

Look at that FACE ! Man I love that guy :)

Enjoying our free Onion Ring Tower! Do I look 25?

Well, our waitress was great, but the manager was not. We got free fries, water and onion tower... tiped the great waitress, Gina 5 bones and left RR. BUT ... we were still hungry and didn't want to pay $10 a piece for a burger that I was suppose to get for free, I know I know, but it's the pricipal ... not the money the principal that I always get a free burger from RR on my special day.  Haha so since we were already 45 mins away from home we went to our next favorite burger place ... COOK OUT! 

Cook out tray with a burger-club style no mayo, 2 chicken ranch wraps, 2 ice waters and a strawberry shake.

Yeah, that's the same tray ... we shared it ... awww I know we're cute !

We dinned together over a delicious, yet cheap meal.  It truly is one of our favorite places...we use to go on dates in college to the local cook out too :) It has a special place in our hearts!

Then we headed home.  On the drive home, Charles said "Was your birthday special?", I then proceeded to say ... "not really... but it never really is... but that's okay! It's just another day :)" I don't know about any of ya'll, but my birthday is just another day.  It's not hing I did, my mom and dad... well... you know... and then there I was! God was so gracious to grant them the blessing of ... well... ME! hahaha Blessing or a curse, if you know me, you can decide for yourself.

He then proceeded to ask me a list of thought provoking questions... some of them in the list I am going to share with you below.  Basically, here's my shot a 25 questions to recap my 25 amazing years of life that the good Lord has allowed me to live so far.  So sit back, and enjoy :)

1. What is your first memory? Breaking my arm when I was 4 years old on our trampoline and going to urgent care, SCREAMING, and the Dr. asking "which arm is it?" We immediately left and headed to another Dr. office.

2. What is your best memory over the last 25 years? My wedding day... not that it was a flawless event.  haha it was actually poorly planned, on a low budget, 3 days after I graduated college, 5 days before Christmas ... HECTIC.  It wasn't perfect, but that is perfect in my book.  280 of our family and friends gathered before God to lay witness to our union.  Wow, what a blessing. Being married to Charles has been the best thing that's ever happend to me.

3. What is your worst? Well, this is not a certain date or memory, but it's all tied together. From 3rd grade to my sophomore year in high school my dad was continuously hired and fired from jobs.  Everything from a major computer company to a grocery store clerk.  Everytime we saw dad at home before we made it home from school was terrible.  Even at a young age, seeing my mom's heart drop killed me. This is a really long story, and a disease that is so sad.  I will try to write a post about it another time. It was finally the beginning of my junior year of high school we had the final diagnoses that he has temporal frontal lobe dementia, he stopped looking for work, they took away his drivers license and he has been at home ever since.  Gosh, he is such a sweet man.  I love him to pieces... but bless his poor little heart, or really his brain.  But praise the Lord for my mom's dedication to her vows, sticking by him in good times and bad.

4. What was your favorite place you lived? I would honestly say growing up in Cary, NC would be my favorite.  It was an amazing town that had so much to offer, it was clean, safe, and very special to me.  I wouldn't want to live there now... it's huge and over populated, I love New Bern now!  Our house was unique... one of a kind in my book :)  My dad and family actually built it.  It was blue and yellow, the front door was on the top level (along with the kitchen, dining room and master bedroom) and down stairs was the living room, bedroom and computer room.  It was in a precious, wooded neighborhood with a large lot, the kicker was... the street was over 30 ft above the house.  Yes, you could not see the house from the street, we had a really long and steep driveway (perfect for when it snowed).  That was it... I loved that place.  Mom and dad just moved to a new house (one story, no steps, small yard, in a little neighborhood in another town).  It's nice ... but it's not home.  Gahlee I love that Miranda Lambert song "House that built me", I seriously cry every other time I hear it.  The house wasn't perfect by any means, but it was and will always be home.

The driveway from at the house below.

View of the back of the house.

5. What was your saddest recollection? the recent miscarriage... If you're here, feel free to look back at my last few blogs.  It will tell you everything you need to know.  But in all things, I give thanks and surrender my will to Gods, I will abandon all outcomes.

6. What is the biggest thing God has shown you over the last 25 years? His saving grace.  Wow y'all.  That's it right there. I'm 25 but I have eternal life through Jesus Christ my Lord. The son of God who was perfect and blameless and pure, who died on a cross for my sin.  That's it.  He's shown me love, forgiveness, mercy, he has given me life.

7. What do you think he's going to teach you the next 25? Patience... gosh, I still don't have it! In the little things like traffic to the big things like having a child.  I need to completely trust him and his plan and not rely on my clock and my plan for anything. 

8. What do you hope 25 has in store? A sweet, perfect and precious baby Barrett

9. What do you pray God spares you from this next year? Another miscarriage

10. What is your favorite college memory? Being Ms. Wuf :) and considered a varsity cheerleader. Being on the field and behind the scenes of my favorite sports team ever :) I am a proud alum and will be a Wolfpack fan for life!

11.What was your favorite vacation? Driving from Cary, NC to Los Angeles, CA with my dear friend Annie.  We were two, niaeve 19 year old girls in a 2 door red honda civic on a mission.  What a great trip, moving Annie out to USC.  haha we still laugh about it to this day that our parents allowed us to do that alone :)

12. What is your favorite place to relax and clear your mind? The point at Emerald Isle Beach, NC. mMm it's perfect... where Charles proposed, where we went after we found out about the miscarriage... it's perfect.  I spot to sit and look at how big our God is.

13. Who was the person who had the greatest influence over your last 25 years? My mom.  She is amazing. I beautiful woman of God who has raised two beautiful girls in the way of the Lord.  Through blood, sweat and tears she has been the leader of our family and has maintained a cheerful outlook on life desite the many hard times she has been through.  She is my example of what marriage looks like... yes, sticking by your husband through the good times and bad regardless of what you want or what you deserve. She selflessly gives of herself everyday. And for that, I am greatly influenced to see how strong she is and I praise the Lord daily for her.

14. What does 25 feel like? The same as 24 :) which was the same as 23 ...

15. What is your greatest regret over the last 25 years? Not being better disciplined spiritually and physically. Being to busy and making excuses not to take care of me.


16.  What is one personal goal for the next 25 years? To be better disciplined spiritually and physically.  To do regular devotions and spend more time with God and to set up exercise and healthy eating habits I can maintain for a lifetime.

17. What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment over the last 25 years? Being the first member of my immediate family to graduate from a 4 year university.  NCSU- 3.5 years while working my tail off to help pay for it. 

18. If you could give one piece of advice for people younger than you, what would it be? Quit being a stupid, rude, hormonal teenager and respect God and your parents.  Act like you have some respect for yourself and for adults and truly be grateful for all you have.

19. Same but for people over 25? Trust in the Lord, not yourself for everything.  Do not try to manage your life and make it perfect.  Surrender your control and give God the reigns.

20. Why do you feel God has allowed you to live to 25? In all honesty, I love people and there are still so many people I haven't met and loved and shared God's love with.  Not saying I'm a super evangelist or anything, but I love talking to anyone, anytime any place.  I have never met a stranger :)  And, I honestly believe one of my greatest callings in life is to be a mom and to pour life and knowledge into a little one of our very own.

21. At what age will you feel old? Ohh that's tough... I'll probably change this when I get there, but 30 seems pretty old to me right now.

22. What is your favorite birthday memory? Well it's kind of reoccuring every year, so it's something I look forward to and it's not my birthday until this happens... My mom calls and wishes me a happy birthday after 11:21 am, because ... well, I wasn't born until 11:21 on December 1st, 1986 so it's not my birthday until 11:21 :) Sweet lady! haha aaaaaand my sister calling me and singing "happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you look like one too".  I hope to create fun memories for my family one day.

23. What is something you want to do in year 25 you've never done before? haha once again, you knew this would be recurring ... have a happy, healthy baby :)

24. How do you think people percieve you now that you're 25? haha they don't think that I'm 25! Depending on how I dress, some people think i'm still in middle school :)

25. What are you most thankful for over the last 25 years? Life and life abundant.  I can't wait to see what God has planned for my next 25 + years!


We then got a free rental code from redbox for my birthday, watched Water for Elephants (good movie, we enjoyed it) and went to sleep :)  What a day ... a day like any other day, but a day I am so blessed to have. 

Sounds like life to me : Give thanks with a grateful heart

Wow, what a busy weekend !  Thanksgiving ... scratch that... all holidays are exhausting for Charles and I right now.  All of our immediate family and some of the extendend family lives within 2 hours or so from us.  Well, since we are the "young marrieds still without kids" we have decided to appease both sides of the family and do all major holiday events.  Soooooo here's a basic run down of our weekend.

Some goodies I made for the extended family.

Wednesday: Kim gets off work at 3pm, gets home at 4, finishes packing, wrapping, baking, makes dinner, does laundry. Charles gets home, eats, packs. They go to sleep.

Thursday: Wake up, pack up the car, Kim drives while Charles does a grad school project in the car (laptop on cookie tray with internet tethered from his phone and power by a DC to AC converter under the seat.  Arrive in Gtown and have lunch with Kim's side of the family. Leave Gtown and head to Ctown (not telling you the real names of the towns so you can't join us)  for Charles' immediate families Thanksgiving dinner.  Drive to stay with my mom and dad in Atown.

Precious couple in Gtown.

Sweet family in Ctown.

Friday: Wake up, run errands with Mom and do some honey do items for her.  Lunch with Sister and her hubby and sweet baby girl at Chili's then head to Rtown to see my Yia yia (grandma in Greek) and some of my dad's side extended family.  Leave Rtown, fly down the highway to Atown to get changed and arrive in Ctown i.e. Charles' grandma's place.  Kim leaves for Dtown to go to see the Radio City Rockette's with some of the ladies, and Uncle Bob. Charles, joins the boys in R town for NCSU vs Elon basketball. Meet up in Ctown and head back to Atown for a good nights rest at Mom and Dad's.

Sis, bro-in-law, niece

My immediate family and grandma

Sister and cousins

Rockette's with hubby's fam.

Saturday: Wake up, go to Chik-fil-a with mom and dad.  Kim and Charles meet up with the other Barrett boys in Ctown and head to Rtown to see an epic football game, NCSU vs Maryland. They all head back to Ctown to visit with family. Kim and Charles return to Atown to do more school work and relax.

GO PACK !

Me and the Barrett boys.

Grand dad and nephew Rhett snackin' post game.

Sunday: Wake up, meet family in Ctown to then drive to Rtown to go to church. Head back to Ctown for brunch with all the Barretts.  Relax in Ctown for a while. Leave Ctown alllllll the way through Rtown, Gtown, Ctown, and many others in between til we arrive home, late sunday evening.  Get home, unpack, eat, watch some TV/finish grad school project. Go to bed. 

The whole crew in Ctown.

Overall, we had a great Thanksgiving weekend. I was really worried that the whole miscarriage convo would pop up... and it did. Mainly in really sweet side conversations filled with hope and encouragement, which I truly appreciated. 

The thing I didn't anticipate hitting me so hard was the overwhelming sadness and emptiness I would feel around family with children and how left out I felt.  Yes, new moms and dads gushing over their babies, as they rightly should, and talking about their shared parent experiences.  Feeling, once again, as not part of the club, and behind the curve.  Grand parents adoringly stating "their world is now better since they have a grandchild" and how they are so happy with their new role.  Once again... feeling like chopped liver.  Praying no one would "make an announcement" that they were expecting again and trying not to envy the baby belly.  Wow... didn't know it would hurt so bad. Gosh, even hearing the Christmas story out of Luke made me sad... Seriously Kim??? Jealous of Mary carrying baby Jesus .. yep. Sad but true. 

Oh well, as the post is titled "Give thanks, with a grateful heart..." I do have a lot to be thankful for. I truly do.  My faith in the most loving savior Jesus Christ, my husband, my family, my job, my house, my car, my church, my friends, my health and so on and so forth. 

"Give thanks with a grateful heart

Give thanks unto the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son.
Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks unto the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son.

And now let the weak say, "I am strong"
Let the poor say, "I am rich"
Because of what the Lord has done for us.
And now let the weak say, "I am strong"
Let the poor say, "I am rich"
Because of what the Lord has done for us.

Give thanks
Give thanks."

I don't need to be jealous of anyone for any reason. But I am finding myself that way and I pray that this feeling will pass.  The other thing about this week is turning 25 this thursday.  I know, I know, it's just a number. But it's once again a reminder that time isn't standing still and my life is furiously passing before my very eyes.  I will give thanks, I will be grateful for each day and each blessing the Lord gives to me.

Sound like life to me : Healing

I will make this one short and sweet. 

We went to the Dr. for our follow up appointment yesterday at 4pm, we waited, and waited, but we didn't really feel anxious.  Finally they took a urine sample, and pricked my finger, and then we waited some more.  Finally, they pulled us back, yes, my sweet sweet husband came to the Dr. with me again, and the Dr. sat down.  He was cordial and asked how we were doing, by this point I was sweating and thinking...

GIVE ME THE STINKIN NEWS ALREADY ! Is the urine test negative? Is the blood results what you wanted to see? Do you have to draw blood or give me an ultrasound? 

This is what I heard out of the doctors mouth, he could have said something totally different but this is what was conveyed to me ...

" You're healed! 100% perfect! God created your body perfectly and he handled this without medical intervention. Your strength in each other and in your faith pulled you guys through this. This is the perfect (if there is such a thing) miscarriage with your minimal pain and how fast everything happened.  You were wise to follow your instinct and not have the procedure. I wish all my patiences had this smooth of a time physically through a miscarriage. "

Yeah he really did say some of those things! Wow ya'll ... our specific prayer request was, let the urine pregnancy test be negative and let no form of infection or complication be present and don't require any more testing i.e. ultrasound or blood work. 

BAM! Answer to prayer ... God is listening :) and all of you, our mighty family, friends, and prayer warriors helped so very very much and we wish we could hug each of you and let you know how special we felt with your love pouring down on us.

The next question was ... "okay, Doc, uhhh when can we start trying again?" He then told us we're free to start whenever we are ready emotionally and physically.  They'd like you to wait for one period so they can date the pregnancy better, but it's not required. 

Wow, leaving the office, we both had huge smiles on our faces... I even think we high fived! haha yeah, we're those people. Those people who were happy to see a negative pregnancy test (the one, and only time I hope to see that and be rejoicing) ... WE MADE IT!

Yes, it was a 4+ month set back in our plans to create Baby Barrett, but it was a victory!!! Mind you, it was very emotionally difficult and still something I NEVER desire to go through again, but God brought us through it and we were victorious!  No more moping around waiting to be back to normal ... it's time to prepare ourselves emotionally for another go round, with that, we have to be prepared for another miscarriage (yeah, that would suck).

I have spoken to a lot of women in the past week and some of them truly told me stories of physical pain and agony... my pain was severe but bareable and I am beyond grateful God allowed it that way.  We saved a lot of money and a lot of time healing from the procedure.  And I would have to say today, if we miscarry again... I will probably try to pass it naturally again and then get things tested to make sure there's not an underlying condition, but other than that, looking back on this now... there's nothing we would have changed.


We would have still rejoiced the first time we saw that positive pregnancy test...
We would have still prayed for the baby...
We would have still told friends and family who were near and dear to us before 13 weeks...
We would have still gone to the Drs. to check out the bleeding...
We would have still cried and grieved at the picture of the empty sac...
We would have still chosen to pass it naturally...
We would have still shared all of this on the blog/facebook and asked for prayers...
We would have still prayed for a painless miscarriage...
We would have still trusted in the Lord regardless of this situation...


We will still pray, and fervently ask for your prayers for a child, or two or four! That is a desire of our hearts, to be parents together, to raise a Godly family and we do not feel this set back is God taking away that desire.  He has shown us how precious life is, even when you lose it.  Mainly, he has shown us how to love and love deeply and rely on him when lifes path is unclear.

I'll leave you with this :

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

                                                                                  - Psalm 139:13-14

God was, and is in control. He is the ultimate creator and sustainer of the universe.  He loves us and he wants what's best for us.  He created me in my mother's womb and we will hold fast to His word and pray for the day that we are blessed with a little one of our own.  Until then ... we will be filled with joy and gladness because our marriage is stronger than ever ! Our almost 3 short years of marriage has been a dream, not a day has passed that I haven't praised God for my amazing husband, and let me tell you ... passing through a difficult time with your spouse is a blessing.  It shows you what you're made of.  It confirmed to me, that I have the most amazing God, husband, family, and friends and I am so thankful to be alive.  Be blessed ya'll ...

ha ha ... so much for short and sweet :)

Sounds like Life to me: Keep your head up

" I am suffering ... Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day."          
                                                                                           - 2 Timothy 1:12

I get daily emails from Heartlight.org and they are amazing! A bible verse, explanation of the verse or a thought, and a prayer.  Well, today is Thursday... at 4pm we have the Dr. follow up appt from the miscarriage.  Needless to say I am on edge today.  This past week has been tough... and this verse this morning was perfect.  Now, we in no way have suffered to the extent of Paul (the one writing here in 2 Timothy) or Job, but after this past week, I was feeling pretty low. 

THOUGHT:
"As Paul faced very difficult circumstances near the end of his life, many of those he had led to the Lord abandoned him. But he was confident that the Lord would not abandon him! He had committed his life to Jesus as Lord. That Lord would ensure that the investment Paul had made would not be wasted. His life, his future, and his eternal destiny were entrusted to the Lord. He was confident that they were also secure in the Lord. He believed with every fiber of his being that on a special day known only to God, Jesus will return and every knee will bow and Paul's faith in the Lord will be joyously validated."


PRAYER:  mMm I love this prayer ... it really blessed me today :)
"Almighty God, I believe, but please strengthen my faith so that no matter what I may endure, my confidence in you will remain firm and my hope may remain vibrant. I entrust to you all that I am and all that I hope to be, believing fully that you will bring me through whatever lies ahead and bring me into your glorious presence with great joy. In Jesus' glorious name I pray. Amen."

Photographer captured this shot of me praying with the bridesmaids and lady family members right before I walked down the aisle, wow, what an amazing day that has truly changed my life for the better... and for that, I praise God :)

Update: Mercies in disguise...

** Warning: I am going to get a tiny bit graphic here, because, it may help someone else when they are going through this one day, so just be aware of that. I will try to warn you before it comes **


Hey ya'll.

Wow, what a week! In the Barrett household... our days are all screwed up, the time change makes us go to bed by 9 pm it seems and we're kind of living in a fog.  While it has been great to be home all week, the circumstances have been less than ideal. No one wants to deal with something like this, ever. Seriously I think I could poll 1000 people and not a one would say, "sure, I'll take miscarriage, that sounds like fun!" and if they did say that I would say they need help :) Well, working from home was great ! I had something to do to keep my mind off of my body and it allowed me to get other things done and have dinner made before 7pm every day.  I also had sweet time to go for walks with my amazing husband in the afternoons when he got home. I'm not going to lie, it is tough working 45 mins from home but I am so blessed to have a job.  That is one of the biggest blessing of the week, the support from my co-workers and job.  I plan on going back to work monday because I think the worst has passed.

Okay let me give you this update. *Warning: a little graphic* From all of the highly skilled research I did, I mean googling "what happens during a miscarriage, what am I suppose to look for during a miscarriage, steps of a miscarriage" gives you a lot of great information! haha of it was helpful, others scared the living daylights out of me.  Most women I spoke to or read about compared it to 80% of labor pains, blood blood blood, no energy and cramps that will make you double over in pain. Ha ... are you kidding me!?

Our specific prayer request was "Lord please let this miscarriage all of what's left inside pass through me with minor pain and infection.  Be in control and allow us to pass this naturally without medical intervention by 11/21/11, if not we will schedule the procedure and have everything taken care of so we can enjoy time with family for Thanksgiving." 

Speaking of procedures, I talked to many, sadly too many women that I know and love who told me about their stories with miscarriage and their friends stories. It was everything from, "I was older and wanted kids so I got the D&C and moved on,  back when it happend to me the only option was a D&C, or My friend had a D&E and they messed up and didn't get everything and had to do it again, or my favorite, my sister in law had a D&C and they tore the back of her uterus." OKAY, if you're human and you knew you were contemplating on getting this surgery, would any of these situations comfort you? Once again, if you say yes, you need help, please, let me pray for you...

Once again you can google both of these to get greater detail :
D&C - Dilation and curettage: knock you out, dilate your cervics, take a surgical spoon and scrape it all clean
D&E - Dilation and excavation: knock you out, dilate your cervics and suction everything out

**Warning: I want to be able to give a little bit greater detail here so others can possibly gain wisdom from my experience, sorry if I gross you out **

Here's a timeline of the last few days:
Day 1 (sunday): I experienced a light brownish pink discharge when I wiped after I went to the bathroom, called the Dr. and they said, "it should all be okay, most women have a little spotting during pregnancy, come on in monday and we'll check you out"

Day 2 (monday): You remember "terrible, horrible no good very bad day" ? right, that was the day of our diagnoses for a blighted ovum.

Day 3 (tuesday): Light bleeding all day. I was awoken at 3:10 am with very light cramping and proceeded to stay in the bathroom until 4:30 until the feeling and bleeding passed. haha I even made a little pallet on the bathroom floor with two towels and my pillow inbetween cramping to get a little rest :)

Day 4 (wednesday): Moderate bleeding and passing a little tissue.
               SIDE NOTE - I had 3 sweet, sweet visitors come see me.  My sister and her little baby girl surprised me and came up from 2 hrs away to see me and spend some time togther. And, an amazing friend from church, came and brought me a "goodie" bag with movies, a magazine, Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, and a few other things to help the next few days :)
                                Okay, back to wednesday... We were watching 27 Dresses and I was literally curled in the fetal position on the couch barely able to carry on a converstation.  My whole mid section of my body, pelvic area to lower back felt like the muscles were being rung out to dry every 4 minutes.  Seriously, 4 minute waves of okay, this isn't terrible but I really can't even straighten out my body right now, they were long and momentarily crippling and probably the worst pain I had this whole time.  The pain was such that I passed up fresh chocolate chip cookies and sat with an ice pack on my forehead and back of my neck to take the edge off. Oh yes, I finally took a pain killer, a little fairy brought me some special pills that I am very grateful for, though I only took 2 this whole time, they were perfect. That night, I had the special pill in me, and I slept in the other bedroom so Charles could sleep. I slept 6 hours without waking up, pain, or much bleeding.

Day 4 (thursday): When I woke up in the morning I felt great! No bleeing, no cramping... oh no, had the pain pill worked too well and stopped the process !?! At that point, I discontinued all pain killers so I could feel what my body was doing. From all the research I read it told me there was someting that I should be passing out of my body, and I knew it hadn't passed yet.  Frustrated and defeated, I took the day by the horns. I went to a friends house and got some of her advice to help the process, I took some clothes to be dry cleaned (shoot, I need to pick that up), I went to Wal-Mart, I jogged a mile (yeah it had been about 2 months since I had jogged, and then walked 2 more miles, I had 2 cups of raspberry leaf tea (which is suppose to induce cramping) I was a woman on a mission.  I WANTED EXCRUCIATING PAIN, I WANTED CLOSURE AND HEALING, I did everything I could think of to help this gestational sac out, but nothing was working :( 

Charles was working on school work, so I laid on the floor and watched 2 TV shows (Up all night and Glee) on the internet, I had very minor cramping and had finished my shows and stood up, I mean come on it was almost time for Grey's Anatomy.  As I stood up, I realized I had to go to the bathroom. I went #1 as I normally would, without pain and minimal bleeding ** Oh, oops, WARNING** and out popped, literally popped out an oddly shapped large ball of tissue (picture a small squash or a small 1/2 inflated balloon shape 3 to 4 in long and about 2 1/2 in in diameter).  Really, my body felt like a balloon was being blow up, in a certain female area and out it popped. I then yelled for Charles and he came and looked too.  All the research I had done said that was it, SUCCESS, the gestational sac !!! Okay, really, I want to go into greater detail here but, I won't. IF THIS HAPPENS TO YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME AND I'LL TALK TO YOU IN GREATER DETAIL.  What this meant to us was, we're over the hump, we're basically painlessly and uneventfully passing what was failing to grow our child.  It was the strangest feeling I had ever felt and I was relieved I didn't have a horror story like some other women had shared.  I slept in bed with my husband that night and woke up in the morning.

Day 5 (friday): Charles had off for Veteran's day, I had work still and continued to work from home. I had light to moderate bleeding and that was all. No more tissue, and only slight slight cramping.

Day 6 (saturday): Moderate bleeding and no cramping.

Okay... that's where we are. We are so blessed to have all of your support and prayers. WE TRULY BELIEVE THAT YOUR PRAYERS HELPED US WITH THIS NEARLY PAINLESS PHYSICAL PROCESS.  Y'all, i'm not going to lie, I was afraid, I had no idea what I was going to experience pain wise. My husband and mom were the best, haha they were like " are you kidding me, you're strong and tough, you'll be fine, you're not like other women" haha okay, I love having my own cheerleaders to pep me up :)  Everytime I sat infront of my computer reading your emails and FB post I felt loved. I felt hugs coming from Raleigh, Cary, Wilmington, even right down the road but I was home, alone most of the times, in sweats, messy hair and all.  I felt loved. 

We have a follow up appointment at the OB's office next thursday.  Here's our next specific request: "We pray that the miscarriage was complete, that everything was expelled from my body and we are now healing.  We pray that no medical action is needed and that the pregnancy hormones are little, to non existant, we pray for no infections." 

Okay, right now, I just feel like i'm on my period and i'm waiting for it to end.  I hope we're in the clear!  After the update from the Dr. and my next regular cycle... we're free to start trying again.  Okay, here comes the next prayer request...

Pray for emotional healing.  Pray for our bodies to be functioning at optimum baby making ability and pray for our hearts and our faith in the Lord to be strong.  Pray that we do not start this process again until we really feel like we're ready to deal with miscarriage again.  Yes, we want a child so badly and we both feel like that's one of the greatest reasons why God called us together, to be parents.

Two songs to leave you with that we've loved this week:





We love ya'll so much! Praise God for each and everyone of you and your prayers and thoughts during this difficult time in our lives.  Grin and Barrett... perfect.